Here I am... One month and a half later.
I'm still not used to the keys on the laptop keyboard. I don't think it would make any diference if it was any other board.
I think I blocked it in my mind: the ideia that It's different. The ideia that nothing is the same. Always cheering others up and always trying to make others not worry about me got me somewhere I don't know.
I'm used to my dark lonely place but this is different. I'm used to the shadows but nothing was ever this dark before. Nothing is the same.
I raise my hand against the light and the truth comes out bare naked and arsh. It's different...
I know there are people worse than me. People that can't walk, people without arms, people without legs... I... I've been writing all my life, to me, my hands, where my most precious posecion. I've always said the two things I could never lose where my hands and my sight.
This one void against the light shows me I've lost something, something precious, a part of me is gone. No matter how small and how many people are worse than me it was still mine.
Two months ago I was complete... now there is a piece missing.
I sometimes wonder what I did wrong in life to deserve such punishment. I always believed that if u are good, good will come to u. Does this mean that I was wrong? Who did I do wrong to? How much more shold suffer? I've been strong! I've put up with all the advercities of life! I stood tall... and then, one day... one morning... it's...
I wish I could say "I'll be ok"... I may actually say it... but it's a stupid lie!
My strenght is gone. I'm broken. No more "strong girl"...
The more time goes by the worse it gets... I used to say life was meant to be lived a day at a time... I never though how true my words would become.
Whatever future I saw for myself... it's gone. Like the sad lullaby of a piano that no matter how many times u play it, it's always the same sadning and hurtfull tune.
People call me strong because they see me smile. Inside me there is just a piano playing that sad lullaby song... endlessly!